25 Jan Unlocking Better Sex & Self-Esteem: Mindfulness

It’s time to arouse your mind and switch off doubts

Sex is emotional: your mental health can, unfortunately, get in the way of your orgasm, or having a good sexual experience in general. From anxiety to unrealistic expectations placed in the room and on your body – you can unintentionally create a mental block that stops you from enjoying yourself.

Try changing the way you think in pursuit of better seX

This is where sexual mindfulness comes in: according to a study in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, it’s suggested that keeping mindful (leading up to and) during sex can improve your experience. Researchers say practising sexual mindfulness can remove the unwanted, intrusive layers that can sometimes make sex feel stressful – including anxiety, body shame, insecurity, and fear.

“Engaging in mindfulness may address some of the anxiety that can interfere with a positive sexual experience.”  – The Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy

Out of 200 married heterosexual individuals between the ages of 36 – 60, researchers discovered that those who implemented sexual mindfulness – steering clear of self-expectations and judgement during sex – had a heightened sense of sexual well-being; more satisfaction, (both sexual and relational) and more sexual self-esteem. 

Find your point of focus to let pleasure reign in your mind

During the study, the couples were asked how much they related to statements such as “I pay attention to my emotions during sex” and “I pay attention to sexual sensations” – providing insight into how they felt about themselves, their relationships, and their sex lives. Mindful sex means finding an anchor to bury feelings of fear and let feelings of pleasure and enjoyment rise to the surface. It’s an act of courage, really – allowing ourselves to be truly vulnerable with someone.

Start with your breathing and become more aware of your senses

To be fully present, try not to set too many goals or expectations – even with positive intentions, your thoughts can hinder sexual clarity. That means no pressure on having orgasms and distancing yourself from past sexual concerns. Keep your mind on a short leash, don’t allow your mind to wander and worry – bring it back to the moment, breathe, and feel your body’s waves responding to affection. If it all feels too much and you get stuck on trying to be sexually mindful, start small – anchor to a specific, isolated sensation you enjoy and take it play by play.

Provide environmental support with ambience and mood boosters

When you’re comfortable, try experimenting with a variety of mood-boosting, intimate touches. Take your pick of candles, lubricants, lighting, and enhancers to help improve your overall experience. Opt for non-intrusive natural products that support your physical senses as well as stimulate your mind.